Spring Reflection

    Funny that for me spring time is always a great time for self reflection. It is a time anew when life rises from the barren, brown, cold earth. Not only is it a change in season for everyone, but my birthday is at the end of March. At this point every year feels faster and faster. It's crazy to look back at summers of my childhood and remember how those three months used to feel endless. Now I think about three months ago and it seems like it just happened. There is a concept called chrono static illusion which is the perception of ourselves at a stable point in time. Vsauce has a really good video describing this better than I can, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHL9GP_B30E, but basically It's the reason for why time seems to move faster as we age. I have taken much consideration into this idea and realized that yes my life is going to pass by very quickly. That may be a fearful thought to have, but just as our perception of time changes, we can chose to change our perspective of time. It's only motivation for me to live with clear purpose and intent knowing that things are only going to get busier and that I will continue to perceive time exponentially faster. 

    It honestly makes me uncomfortable to gloat about myself outside the context of maybe a job interview or scholarship application, but I will give a little detail into the things I've been doing to better myself over the past year. This blending of days has only been exasperated by covid. I'm lucky to live with my parents outside a populated area and near the beach. I've spent a lot of time outside hiking with my dog through the dunes. I've also been making a great deal of effort to meditate and journal consistently in doing so I've been able to change my perspective on time. The purpose of meditation is to bring your mind to the present point in time. This in turn provides the ability to live presently throughout the day. When my thoughts start to wonder over past conversations or day dream of future plans, it develops a rushed attitude toward my physical actions. When I take time to clear my thoughts consistently my memory gets better and it makes the days I look back on where I was living presently seem longer and fuller. 

    There have been a lot of sacrifices I've made over the past year to get to where I am now, most of which have been in the social realm. It saddens me to know that I've probably hurt many people by turning down plans to spend time together. It seems like everyone else around me has all the time in the world. Between living off unemployment and going to school online, I feel like people are constantly asking me to plan a trip with them or go have a drink when I really do not have the time or energy for it. It sucks to know that I've turned people down so often that they've eventually stopped reaching out. Now only my closest friends and family are still engaged in my life. That is however, what comes with choosing to have ambition. Currently I am going to school, bartending full time, working part time for the city as I prepare my team for the upcoming beach season to lifeguard, and I'm a reservist in the Coast Guard which takes up quite a bit of time for me. It's very difficult for me to find days or time where my schedule doesn't conflict with someone else so that we can go do something. Maybe I should make a better effort to plan, but that's something I'm yet to work on. Financially and spiritually this has been the best year of my life, however socially it's been the worst. I imagine a lot us can relate to having not seen many friends or family during the past year.

    I'm excited to learn more about the rest of you and what everyone has been up to. Thanks for taking the time to read! :)